waiting

In a couple hours we have the u/s that determines gender. Very strange feeling waiting for that....In other news, a friend of mine who's running for a state-level position is having some dirty politics played by a guy who has no political/public service experience yet who's running on the republican ticket as some kind of fundamentalist throw-the-bums-out reformer. I've seen this guy in a debate and he's clueless, vague and immediately reverts to campaign cant. He'd be eaten for lunch in our state house. I look forward to his defeat, which is in all likelihood inevitable. As someone who was prompted to run for office for a variety of reasons, mostly including the "yes, I'm going to make a difference, get out of my way" impulse, the idea of someone running for office who builds a platform of "against"s is both weak and hypocritical. People are seeing through it with the doddery veteran on a presidential level and they'll hopefully see through it here. Getting informed takes an investment of time. I read some of the local blogs that cover political life in my area and my main suspicion is that the least-informed are also the least-likely to vote. Which is basically a good thing. Don't vote unless you know what you're voting for...

quit!

I love the stuff I do for the community. I especially love the work I do that benefits children. Everything else can GO TO HECK!! I am amazed at how many kids I see who don't seem to have very strong language skills and my first thought is not "learning disability" but instead, "someone is not talking to them."

Thank god for fullday school where teachers' efforts and time is directed solely at these kids. I spent time at our alternative school today in a meeting and it's sad to see how quickly all the slots filled and how many are waiting. If we do not provide a top-tier education as part of what we do as a community we might as well go home.

checking out

As I assess my life (5 year old, f/t WAHJob, elected official) I find that it is time to withdraw from certain environments. I had been working at a local lfoundation that was so clueless about its role in the community, and where the people making decisions were actually contemptuous of the local community, I reached a tipping point and bailed a month ago. At this point, I am only, ONLY, spending time with institutions that have a stake in my mostly-impoverished small city. We have a lot of poor kids here and kids who are poor in family stability. Tonight I realized it was time to check out of another nonprofit where I had been the newsletter person, subcommittee innovator of record. So I will be making my announcement this week to the folks in charge. As someone who has extreme longevity in my worklife (my primary freelance client for my text-writing I've been working for since age 18!) realizing that some places aren't worth helping anymore is a big realization. Fortunately, I have been working/saving/living frugally for years so we can make these decisions about PITA jobs as well as PITA volunteer things. I urge anyone reading this who's doing something out of obligation to some unstated ideal or habit to bail! Something better will come along....

30th high school reunion

I went w/2 friends w/whom I've had continuous contact since high school. I was the only pregnant woman there although one classmate had a 3.5 year old. I really love these gettogethers and only wish I had more energy for visiting. I keep telling myself exhaustion is a result of having a 5 year old running around OUTSIDE instead of a 4month fetus rolling around INSIDE. 48 is a strange not-old, not-young moment and if this is middleage I better get to 96....
My idea of heaven currently is a coke, a bag of potato chips and hours in bed listening to the BBC. My hours are turning into those of a morning person but I have never yet in my life sprung out of bed first thing. At this point, I'm rollingl and hoisting....(the scale has been banished)...

it moved!

Baby moved! today at dance class. We had finished a dance and one of my friends looked at me funny b/c I had stopped moving. She said Is the baby moving? and I said I THINK SO! There was a distinct and definite pressure from the inside out, pressing on the right side. That's the only forsure movement. It was familiar and so strange. It is so great. We are blessed.

spring babies

mean you don't buy a ski pass for yourself for the winter. But I bought one for my husband for his birthday. Maybe I can sneak in on the bunny slope. God knows I'll need the exercise

16 weeks

Well, Ob appt was today and I was mistaken -- we don't have u/s until next wk. Otherwise everything looks good, h/b is at 140 -- way easier to find than last time, when we only got it for a second, but did get sufficient movement. I am exhausted having not slept last nite. I've been ill for 3 days, basically went to bed Tuesdy, woke up Wednesday. There are so many things that prompt me to say, "I'm too old for this" but it turns out, sadly, I'm not.

The road ahead

I have always been slightly confused about interpreting dates -- for myself that is. My primary occupation is that of spiritual advisor, or, it's traditional title: astrologer. The second-oldest profession, actually. It helped pay for this house and over time my realname has expanded in the world, but I have had a TERRIBLE time figuring out EXACTLY what date it is re: this pregnancy. Today is week 16. So I have completed my 4th month and starting my 5th month. So the baby has developed inner ear organs, fingernails and is now just basically growing instead of growing crucial parts.

This I didn't understand yesterday. I read a chapter on pre-natal development 4th month and figured I was starting on that. wrong, wrong, wrong. But it does explains why I am now photographing on the huge side.

I am outgrowing PJ bottoms so if anyone is reading this (I don't know why anyone should, I've only made one small public post on the pregnancy stories over age 40 site, send some!

Seriously, though I am tired a lot. Part of this is having a small child. Even though CT's in school 6 hours a day -- it's not enough time for me to do my work and tidy.

itchy skin

16 weeks, just started. Aargh,

yesterday was 15 weeks

I still think I should be huger!! I've been wearing maternity clothes for a few weeks and remain grateful it's not 1988 when the choices were big navy blousy dresses with minnie mouse collars and crazy bows. Remember that? I never succumbed to the bizarre on-beyond-Farrah hair wings, having fairly unruly Armenian hair, but remember the '80s fondly only for the fact that I had a metabolism a dragonfly would envy and have no recollection of eating any meal before midnight.

so, yes, pregnant. Probably should have gotten to this in my 20s, or even my 30s, but 42 was my first child. I have a hard time believing everything's okay. I can't wait to feel this baby swimming around (20 weeks?). And I'm hungry all the time. That's the theme. All I want to eat is Korean food and kim chi and spicy, flavored stuff. It's REALLY strange because I'm someone who could, and has, eaten ice cream EVERY day and I have no desire for anything sweet. I seem to need to eat every two hours.

okay, I think I understand this

I thought I would keep a public blog on this amazing event. I am 48, pregnant and 2 days shy of 48