everything ok

nurse just called. They're just abnormal cells, nothing dire. Pap test in 6 months...

After

Well, my OB/Gyn found lots of HPV cells on the cervix and a mosaic pattern, which is definitely precancerous there. They'll call in a week w/a biopsy but she said I really have nothing to worry about. This, I don't get. The next steps are: if it's precancerous, they'll do a LEEP and take it out. If it's not, I have PAP tests every 6 months. No matter what, I'm going in more often for Pap tests. It's depressing especially since I read in the NYT that Farrah's rare anal cancer has HPV connections. Anyone out there test positive for HPV?

Given that I've been intimate with just two men since 1992, it's depressing. My former boyfriend had one other girlfriend before me, and my husband was married before (to someone who definitely wasn't the multiple partners type), so who knows where this comes from. I really hate this though and would like to feel as reassured as my Dr. says I should.

entries fewer and farther between

because I am overworked and nursing constantly, and school's out for big brother and irritated at marriage and tomorrow they scrape cells off my cervix and let's hope there isn't anything to write home about.

food poisoning and tests...

What a total pain this week hsa been. i've been out w/food poisoning since Wednesday, missign all kinds of essential activities. The consult w/the ob/gyn was about the coloscopy to be done on June 24. They'll take cells and then biopsy and then if cels are malignant it's a more invasive procedure. Frankly, I'm scared and completely helpless in this. Worse, baby V. is nursing every 2 hours on the overnight. I haven't made love w/my husband in months and months and we've been in separate bedrooms to survive the infant hours. I'm tired and spiritually hungover and irritated at many people for their incompetence in matters they probably don't even know they're incompetent in.

The baby is now 90th percentile, and pretty huge for 10 weeks. Smiling a lot and really sweet and I love it but I'm behind on a book project and many many other things. I am not someone who does things by halves and I could seriously use an au pair right now....