back from beach

2 days w/family w/both kids and me. i was outnumbered...bigtime...

well now

I got my period this morning. Princess Dumpling is 15 weeks today and I definitely got my period. We are breastfeeding, sometimes hourly, and I got my period. I look in my calendar and June 25-30 I definitely had lots of EWCM, so my body is definitely revving up. As my husband noted when I told him, "back in business again."

This happened after the birth of my son, when I was fully in that gottahaveanother infant craziness. I do NOT have the feeling of gottahaveanother with PD, but it's interesting that my body is doing exactly what it did with my son. I had my period 3 months after giving birth, almost to the day. I don't like the idea of going on the pill (at nearly 49 and breastfeeding), so I guess alternatives are in order.

who she is

She likes to be facing out when being held.
She's in the 90th percentile, so a very long little girl
She looks good in yellow, pink, white...My husband thinks not so good in shades of mauve. I thnk she looks great in everything.
She's been able to stand with assistance since before 1 month. Now she'll hoist herself up on little chubby legs and only needs very light fingertip steadying.
She has a hugely satisfied gummy grin.
If not attended immediately after crying she can ramp that up in huge despondent sobs.
Nursing immediately fixes everything.
She sleeps on her back with her arms out to either side.
Light brown hair with strawberry blonde highlights and hazel blueish eyes.
Yesterday, I was being photographed for professional purposes and after we photographed her and everytime I said hahaha she said ahahah.

everything ok

nurse just called. They're just abnormal cells, nothing dire. Pap test in 6 months...

After

Well, my OB/Gyn found lots of HPV cells on the cervix and a mosaic pattern, which is definitely precancerous there. They'll call in a week w/a biopsy but she said I really have nothing to worry about. This, I don't get. The next steps are: if it's precancerous, they'll do a LEEP and take it out. If it's not, I have PAP tests every 6 months. No matter what, I'm going in more often for Pap tests. It's depressing especially since I read in the NYT that Farrah's rare anal cancer has HPV connections. Anyone out there test positive for HPV?

Given that I've been intimate with just two men since 1992, it's depressing. My former boyfriend had one other girlfriend before me, and my husband was married before (to someone who definitely wasn't the multiple partners type), so who knows where this comes from. I really hate this though and would like to feel as reassured as my Dr. says I should.

entries fewer and farther between

because I am overworked and nursing constantly, and school's out for big brother and irritated at marriage and tomorrow they scrape cells off my cervix and let's hope there isn't anything to write home about.

food poisoning and tests...

What a total pain this week hsa been. i've been out w/food poisoning since Wednesday, missign all kinds of essential activities. The consult w/the ob/gyn was about the coloscopy to be done on June 24. They'll take cells and then biopsy and then if cels are malignant it's a more invasive procedure. Frankly, I'm scared and completely helpless in this. Worse, baby V. is nursing every 2 hours on the overnight. I haven't made love w/my husband in months and months and we've been in separate bedrooms to survive the infant hours. I'm tired and spiritually hungover and irritated at many people for their incompetence in matters they probably don't even know they're incompetent in.

The baby is now 90th percentile, and pretty huge for 10 weeks. Smiling a lot and really sweet and I love it but I'm behind on a book project and many many other things. I am not someone who does things by halves and I could seriously use an au pair right now....