20 weeks

At this point, I'm inclined to keep this journal just for the duration of my pregnancy which is officially at the halfway mark. My husband and I have been laid low for the past week plus with what he found out today is strep and a vicious cold. So it looks like a dose of penicillan to get us back on track.

I haven't heard back from the doula we used last time -- I need to call her, but I'm just not motivated to do anything that isn't due RIGHT NOW. The baby is kicking a lot and I'm not as big as I was before. Dr. appt on Thursday. I am trying not to put on weight beyond where I started, which was at 145, totally highend for me. When I was expecting my son my START WEIGHT was 129, but after losing a few pounds from nursing, it never came off completely. Then again, I have always been borderline thin, and probably anorectic (electively so!) for most of my 20s and 30s. I don't look heavy, but to me I can feel it. At my high school reunion, there was a picture from the yearbook of me taking a grand jete down the chemistry department hallway and I wish I could do that again. Thanks to Kathy Kitschinart for the reminder bracelet. What's beeezzaaar is that I DO NOT FEEL LIKE EATING CAKE!!

Last night was the first nite of 8 hours sleep, interupted only a few times by deathrattle cough.

I have a book due at the start of January. How I am going to do this seems unimaginable.

Every day I am grateful and amazed I am pregnant and only feel the tiniest bit of panic about the How are we going to do this. Our son is the best little kid but as everyone knows life with a small child is exhausting. I see mothers much younger than me with 2, 3, even four and that's something I have never had an interest in. I really had no urgings towards hving a baby until my mid-30s, when I was living with an incredibly self-indulgent and depressed writer, whose rising success during this period only caused him greater consternation. DC was convinced he was infertile, which, giving the miserable worldview expressed in his poetry and his generally melancholic temperament makes all kinds of sense.

My husband, fortunately, is an indefatigable optimist.....