My beloved child has a VERY short leash and a VERY short temper. I think she's also getting more gaseous. We were out campaigning today and a voter held a 9 month old who looked smaller than my 5.5 month old. Go figure. Anyway, my time away from her needs (need to be fed, changed, held, amused, changed position, switching toys, smiled at) is reduced to a sliver. Which is how it should be in her world. But there will be payback when I'm old(er) and (more) eccentric and need to live in the desert for a while.
It's kind of funny that I really do feel the need to do things I never felt I needed to do before. I'd like to live in the desert for a while. The rainforest really beckons and so does any road that goes north to the Arctic Circle. I am drawn to starker landscapes however (I really just want to see all the bugs in the RF and have coffee IN Central America).
I have always been self-employed so that if any of the pieces fall away, or I leave, the show goes on. And it does. I will be 49 in another few weeks and this is the 2nd birthday in my 40s that will probably not find me paralyzed with depression. After my son was born my mind wanted me pregnant but my body wasn't in the swing. Now my body is REALLY in the swing, which I can tell by 28 day cycles and 10 days of EWCM tmisorry! But I still remember having the flu for the umpteenth time while expecting and getting huger and less able to shake this stuff off and not being able to take a deep breath and saying, "it's ok, I don't need to be pregnant again."
This afternoon, I finally got her down for her nap so we could go campaigning later and her going to sleep really is like the symphony with the false endings, there are yips and squacks and of course you go check and there had been silence. So I checked. And there was our cat, Fred, a muttonheaded stripey tom sitting on the bed next to her and she was petting his ears. She looked at me and I mouthed, "you are dreaming I am here" and backed out and she eventually slept.
Fred is a whiney, clumsy, underfoot, foodaholic, wallscraping annoying cat much of his life, but this made me really love Fred.
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3 comments:
Finally got the nerve to admit to my Dentist that a particular tooth was bothering me and I wanted him to look at it. I have been in denial that this tooth was causing me pain on and off for several years. Although I go to the dentist for routine exams and cleaning every three months, I never pointed out that this was bothering me. Truth be told, it was not a consistent pain. This week I could no longer deny that I needed something done. Sure enough, there is an infection in the root and I am scheduled for root canal next Friday. What was I thinking?
I wonder if this infection in my body has been a root cause or major factor in the inability to conceive. I guess I will never know.
I'm hoping this is the last obstacle to your dream.
Kim - did you have your baby yet?
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