Due late March, 2009. Still surprised.

Friday, October 30, 2009

7 months

came yesterday. She is eager to start on all kinds of food though still nursing for comfort and some nourishment. Nearly 18 pounds. I've been making slings to carry her out of fleece but nothing is quite working as it should. I had a dream last night that I was pregnant again AND DIDN'T KNOW IT. First time for that -- fairly appalling.

I saw the wife of someone I'm in an organization with. This woman has a 3 year old, is probably still in her 30s and lost her baby last month during the birth process. Cord tightened when baby dropped. Totally freakish, scary and disturbing. I felt incredibly guilty seeing her at library with my son and V. She seemed in a daze and I asked my son to invite her son to read a story with us. Which they did. But I've been haunted by her story since I heard a few weeks ago.

I am sure she and her husband will try to have another child, but all of us who are parents are chilled to the bone even knowing such risks are possible. And last night when I dreamed I was pregnant, and could feel the baby in my sleep I kept saying I wanted an elective C-section to avoid any birth trauma. Which I didn't want, and didn't have with either kids.

This is a sad entry. I am not looking forward to winter and I need to make more money.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

49

now that sounds old...Only in terms of experience. I was an "adult" during the first Reagan administration.It seems completely surreal that the ambitious and inconsistent young woman who apprenticed with a fleet of tough newspaper people would grow past all that with a small child.

whose first tooth popped yesterday....