I'll be 49 in a week...

but will keep the title. All I want for my birthday is uninterrupted time in the morning. Or time in the house with no one here. The last time I had that for more than 45 minutes was 3 weeks ago. Though my idea of having a great birthday is taking my son to see the local fossil museum....

need. more. time...

My beloved child has a VERY short leash and a VERY short temper. I think she's also getting more gaseous. We were out campaigning today and a voter held a 9 month old who looked smaller than my 5.5 month old. Go figure. Anyway, my time away from her needs (need to be fed, changed, held, amused, changed position, switching toys, smiled at) is reduced to a sliver. Which is how it should be in her world. But there will be payback when I'm old(er) and (more) eccentric and need to live in the desert for a while.

It's kind of funny that I really do feel the need to do things I never felt I needed to do before. I'd like to live in the desert for a while. The rainforest really beckons and so does any road that goes north to the Arctic Circle. I am drawn to starker landscapes however (I really just want to see all the bugs in the RF and have coffee IN Central America).

I have always been self-employed so that if any of the pieces fall away, or I leave, the show goes on. And it does. I will be 49 in another few weeks and this is the 2nd birthday in my 40s that will probably not find me paralyzed with depression. After my son was born my mind wanted me pregnant but my body wasn't in the swing. Now my body is REALLY in the swing, which I can tell by 28 day cycles and 10 days of EWCM tmisorry! But I still remember having the flu for the umpteenth time while expecting and getting huger and less able to shake this stuff off and not being able to take a deep breath and saying, "it's ok, I don't need to be pregnant again."

This afternoon, I finally got her down for her nap so we could go campaigning later and her going to sleep really is like the symphony with the false endings, there are yips and squacks and of course you go check and there had been silence. So I checked. And there was our cat, Fred, a muttonheaded stripey tom sitting on the bed next to her and she was petting his ears. She looked at me and I mouthed, "you are dreaming I am here" and backed out and she eventually slept.

Fred is a whiney, clumsy, underfoot, foodaholic, wallscraping annoying cat much of his life, but this made me really love Fred.

thanks ted

Talking to a client recently and I realized I really am annoyed that health care doesn't follow you from job to job. We live in a very expensive state and just recently signed onto the state health plan. It won't cover the chiro. but we're keeping the pediatrician and doctor so that's fine by me. As a self-employed family, we were paying something like $1800 a month for health insurance, which would have driven us into debt. Fortunately, we are able to earn a good living and we have savings and we're not carrying a mortgage. There are huge advantages to waiting to be a grownup and then having a family. My heart goes out to younger moms and dads who don't have the advantage of staying home with a child as long as they wish. My DH and I both work out of our house and we are exceedingly blessed to share the childcare. We live very frugally, but very well even if our son is not indulged in his whims for "expensive plastic" as often as he'd like. We have books in every room and every night our son is read to aloud for a half hour. And during the day he's read aloud to as well. So it's hours and hours of that, and playing and making stuff. I make a lot of art out of recycled materials and am selling enough to call it a remunerative hobby. My main occupation is writing and I have a book coming out next year. For which I'll be paid, oh hell, probably in 2012.
But here's the thing. Ted Kennedy totally "got" our situation and he really did fight for everyone who needed an advocate. I met him once -- fleetingly, and shook his hand. He was a very big guy with radiating charisma, surrounded by a scrum of younger aides. I'm sorry he's gone. He may not have been personally eloquent all the time but his heart was always in the right place where the public was concerned.

sunday

w/her big brother's godfather (he's an actor)

off the charts

She had eye infection on vacay; we gave her DS's ointment, she's fine. Now I have it. Yuck....She also has a little cold which makes for hacking coughs which chill the blood. She had dr. appt on Wednesday, routine checkup and they weren't alarmed about cold, it's not in her chest....Her growth is incredible. she's off the charts w/growth. She grew 3 inches in last 2 months. she was 95th percentile ht/wt, now off the charts. Literally. they'd have to get another piece of paper. Her head measurement went from 14 to 16 inches. 16 lbs weight. 4.5 months.

I'm pumping a lot of milk to keep up w/her and can actually get 2 oz. before I go to bed. The other day I was carrying her and she had her moist little mouth on my shoulder and I heard mmmaaaammmaaaaaaa. It was unbelievably great.

we're back

it's 1000 degrees here now. babyV woke at 12, 1, 3, 6.....and like that. I am pumping and nursing and pumping and when she has dr. app't we are so adding some heavy, starchy, keepherasleep food to the diet. On the lighter side, she has an amazing chortle when my son makes her laugh. They sound so conspiratorial. He runs when she fusses and it's all sunshine from there. We had a great time at the beach and it would have been so great to stay....through September.....

off again

back middle of august. more beach! w/husband's family. really need some time off despite having a book and long pieces due soon. have adorable swimmie suits for the little princess dumpling. tonight my son was having a conversation w/V. telling her how cute she is and how adorable and then I looked over at the couch and saw he was telling all this to the cat, Fred, who was sleeping right next to her. I guess this explains all the cat hair when I finally pry open her palms to wash.